Beyond Control

I don't like to write post after post about things going wrong. It makes me sad to look back and see a string of bad luck and hard choices. But when big changes happen, I think that it's important to document them. Even when they make me cry.

My job fired me last Thursday. I was due to start nursing school the following Monday. They had agreed to adjust my work schedule to accommodate my school schedule, and that had been arranged to start last Thursday. Instead, I was brought into a meeting and told that they no longer wished to have me work there while in school. Working there was what enabled me to go back to school. You can't go to nursing school without health insurance, and because of my lifestyle (the equestrian part), I wasn't planning to go to nursing school without an income. They knew all of this. It's not a big company. But that's neither here nor there.

As much as I would love to be able to just get another job and continue on with my life, finding one on short notice that is compatible with school is nearly impossible. When you're limited to evenings and weekends, and already have an incredibly intensive class schedule (this program fits a traditional 4 year BSN into 14 months), working is not exactly an easy thing to do.

Spring is an extremely expensive horse. She requires a lot of grain, a full set of shoes (that just got more expensive because wedges), supplements, and possible regular medications. Further veterinary follow-ups are out of the question. Without a job, even with loans and working part time, it will be borderline impossible for me to keep her.  And because of her history of issues and her general cost of care, finding her a new home is going to be a trick.

I still haven't made any official decisions and I haven't tried posting her anywhere to sell. But that day is probably coming. And it is going to break whatever is left of my heart. My goal, always, is to do what's right for my horse, even when a thousand things go wrong and every one of them is beyond my control.